dude i'm inner monologue high
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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