what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
