Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
