I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
