her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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