Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
