i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
