So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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