Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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