The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
