question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
