I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
