Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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