so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize