When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
