Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
