she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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