haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
