remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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