I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
