Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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