the condom got lost in my hair
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
