You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
