Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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