woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
