Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
