They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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