I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
