I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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