I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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