Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
