I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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