i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
