Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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