i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
