$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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