dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
