she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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