Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize