My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
