I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
