okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
