I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
