i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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