I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
