turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
