The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
