did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
