I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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