Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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