Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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