just survived the first fart of the relationship.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
