I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
