he thought i was a dude.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize