If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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