it was like a zeppelin in a condom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
