you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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