i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
