I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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