Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize