After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
