In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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