she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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