Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
