Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
