areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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