i think my tv is drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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